∞榭寄生与万灵药/绘
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一枚96年生的萌妹画师
假如他不再梦到你……
《镜中世界》VI
在那伸手不见五指的夜晚,谁也没有看到他上岸,谁也没有看到那条竹扎的小划子沉入神圣的沼泽。
No one saw him disembark in the unanimous night, no one saw the bamboo canoe sinking into the sacred mud.
但是几天后,谁都知道这个沉默寡言的人来自南方,他的家乡是河上游无数村落中的一个,坐落在山那边的蛮荒里,那里的古波斯语还未受到希腊语的影响,麻风病也不常见。
But in a few days there was no one who did not know that the taciturn man came from the South.
可以肯定的是,这个灰不溜秋的人吻了淤泥,爬上陡岸,顾不得避开那些把他划得遍体鳞伤的、边缘锋利的茅草,头昏眼花、。
Up to the circular enclosure crowned with a stone tiger or horse.
这个以前是赭红色、现在成了灰色的场所是被焚毁的庙宇的遗迹,遭到瘴雨蛮烟的欺凌,里面的神祗不再得到人们的供奉。外乡人躺在墩座下面。
The stranger stretched himself out beneath the pedestal.
升到头顶的太阳把他晒醒了。他并不惊异地发现伤口已经停止流血;他闭上苍白的眼睑睡觉,不是由于疲惫,而是出于意志决定,他知道那座庙宇是他不可战胜的意志向往的场所;他知道河下游也有一座合适的庙宇,焚毁后已经废弃,但那些不断扩张的树木未能把它埋没;他知道紧接着的任务是睡觉做梦。午夜时分,他被凄厉的鸟叫声吵醒。
he knew that his immediate obligation was to dream. Toward midnight he was awakened by the inconsolable shriek of a bird.
地上零乱的光脚板印、一些无花果和一个水罐,说明当地人已经偷偷来看过,但不敢惊动他,他们祈求他庇护,或者怕他的魔法。他感到一阵寒栗,在断垣残壁中间找到一个墓穴藏身,盖了一些不知名的树叶。
Tracks of bare feet, some figs and a jug warned him that the men of the region had been spying respectfully on his sleep, soliciting his protection or afraid of his magic.
引导他到这里来的目的虽然异乎寻常,但并非不能实现。他要梦见一个人:要毫发不爽地梦见那人,使之成为现实。
The purpose which guided him was not impossible, though supernatural. He wanted to dream a man; he wanted to dream him in minute entirety and impose him on reality.
这个魔幻般的想法占领了他的全部心灵;如果有谁问他叫什么名字,以前有什么经历,他可能茫然不知所对。倾圮荒废的庙宇符合他的要求,因为那是有形世界的最小部分;附近有打柴人也是一个条件,因为那些人负责满足他俭朴的生活需要。他们供奉的稻谷和水果足以维持他专门睡觉做梦的肉体。
This magic project had exhausted the entire expanse of his mind. if someone had asked him his name or to relate some event of his former life, he would not have been able to give an answer.
那些梦境起初是一片混乱;不久后,有点辩证的味道了。
At first, his dreams were chaotic; then in a short while they became dialectic in nature.
。剧场和焚毁的庙宇有相似之处。
The stranger dreamed that he was in the center of a circular amphitheater which was more or less the burnt temple.
阶梯上黑压压地坐满了不声不响的学生;学生们的脸离现在有几个世纪,高高挂在云端,但仍清晰可辨。
The faces of the farthest ones hung at a distance of many centuries and as high as the stars, but their features were completely precise.
他给他们讲授解剖学、宇宙结构学、魔法。一张张的脸专心致志地听课,努力作出得体的回答,似乎都知道考试的重要性,考试及格就能让他们摆脱虚有其表的状况,脐身真实的世界。
The man lectured his pupils on anatomy, cosmography, and magic.
那人无论在梦中或在清醒时都在思考那些幻影的答题,不放过一个企图蒙混过关的学生。同时从某些困惑中发现可以造就之材。他在寻找值得参与宇宙的灵魂。
过了九夜或者十夜之后,他有点伤心地发现,对那些被动地接受他学说的学生不能寄予厚望;那些偶尔提出一个大胆而合理的相反见解的学生倒是孺子可教。前者虽然可爱,值得关心,却成不了有个性的人;后者比他们略胜一筹。一天下午(现在下午也用来做梦了,除了一早清醒一两个小时以外,他整天睡觉),他让那幻想的庞大学院永久停课,只留一名学生。
那孩子沉默,忧郁,有时不听话,瘦削的脸庞同他的老师相似。
He was a taciturn, sallow boy, at times intractable, and whose sharp features resembled of those of his dreamer.
同学们的突然解散并没有使他长久地仓皇失措;经过几次单独授课后,他的进步使老师大为惊奇。然而,灾难来了。
His progress was enough to astound the teacher. Nevertheless, a catastrophe took place.
一天,那人仿佛从黏糊糊的沙漠里醒来,发现朦胧的暮色突然和晨曦没有什么区别,他明白自己不在做梦。那天晚上和第二天白天,难以忍受的清醒把他搞得走投无路。他想到丛林里去踏勘一下,让自己疲惫不堪;可是在毒芹丛中,他只做了几个短暂而模糊的梦,得到一些稍纵即逝的、支离破碎的印象,毫无用处。他想重新召集学生,刚说了几句规劝的话,学院就变了形,消失了。在那几乎无休无止的清醒中,他气得老泪纵横。
He tried to assemble the student body but scarcely had he articulated a few brief words of exhortation when it became deformed and was then erased. In his almost perpetual vigil, tears of anger burned his old eyes.
他明白,即使识破了高低层次的所有谜团,要把纷繁无序的梦境材料塑造成形,仍是一个人所能从事的最艰巨的工作:比用沙子编绳或者用无形的风铸钱艰难得多。他明白,开始的失败是难免的。他发誓要忘掉一开始就误导他的巨大错觉,而去寻找另一种工作方法。实施那方法之前,他花了一个月的时间来恢复由于谵妄而浪费的体力。他事先根本不去考虑做梦的问题,每天几乎都能有一段合理的睡眠时间。在此期间,他难得做梦,即使做了,也不注意梦中的情景。他要等到月亮最圆的时候再恢复工作。
与此同时,他下午在河里沐浴净身,膜拜星宿神祗,用标准发音念出一个强有力的名字,然后入睡。
In the afternoon, he purified himself in the waters of the river, worshiped the planetary gods, pronounced the prescribed syllables of a mighty name, and went to sleep.
他几乎马上梦见了一颗跳动的心脏。
He dreamed almost immediately, with his heart throbbing.
他梦见一个幽暗的还没有脸和性别的人体里有一颗活跃、热烈、隐秘的心脏,大小和拳头差不多,石榴红色;在十四个月明之夜,他无限深情地梦见它。每晚,他以更大的把握党察它。他不去触摸:只限于证实,观察,或许用眼光去纠正它。他从各种距离、各种角度去觉察、经历。
第十四夜,他用食指轻轻触摸肺动脉,然后由表及里地触摸整个心脏。检查结果让他感到满意。有一夜,他故意不做梦:然后再拣起那颗心脏,呼唤一颗行星的名字,开始揣摩另一个主要器官的形状。
On the fourteenth night he lightly touched the pulmonary artery with his index finger, then the whole heart, outside and inside. He was satisfied with the examination.
不出一年,他到达了骨骼和眼睑。不计其数的毛发或许是最困难的工作。他在梦中模拟了一个完整的人,一个少年,但是这少年站不起来,不能说话,也不能睁开眼睛。夜复一夜,他梦见少年在睡觉。
∞
根据诺斯替教派的宇宙起源学说,造物主塑造了一个红色的、站不起来的亚当;魔法师花了那么多夜晚塑造出来的梦中的亚当,同那个泥土捏的亚当一样笨拙、粗糙、原始。
In the Gnostic cosmosgonies, demiurges fashion a red Adam who cannot stand; as a clumsy, crude and elemental as this Adam of dust was the Adam of dreams forged by the wizard's nights.
一天下午,那人一怒之下几乎毁了整个工程,但随即又后悔了。(其实毁了更好。)他求通了地上和河里的神灵,便匍匐在那个也许是虎也许是马的塑像脚下,祈求毫无把握的帮助。那天黄昏,他梦见了塑像,梦见它有了生气,在颤动:不是虎和马的、难以形容的杂种,而兼有那两种动物的性质,同时又是一头公牛、一朵玫瑰、一场暴风雨。
That evening, at twilight, he dreamt of the statue. He dreamt it was alive, tremulous: It was not an atrocious bastard of a tiger and a colt, but at the same time these two firey creatures and also a bull, a rose, and a storm.
那个多重性的神祗告诉他,它在尘世的名字是“火”
This multiple god revealed to him that his earthly name was Fire.
曾在那座环形的庙宇(以及别的相似的庙宇)里接受人们的供奉和膜拜,它使他梦见的幻影奇妙地有了生气,以致所有的生物,除了“火”本身和那做梦的人之外,都认为它是有血有肉的人。
People had once made sacrifices to him and worshiped him, and that he would magically animate the dreamed phantom, in such a way that all creatures, except Fire itself and the dreamer, would believe to be a man of flesh and blood.
它命令他一旦教了那人种种仪式之后,就把他派往河下游有金字塔遗迹的倾圮的庙宇,让人顶礼膜拜。在那做梦的人的梦中,被梦见的人醒了。
In the dream of the man that dreamed, the dreamed one awoke.
魔法师执行了命令。他花了一段时间(结果有两年之久)向那少年披露宇宙的奥秘和拜火的仪式。他打心底里不愿和少年分手。他借口教学方面的需要,每天延长用于做梦的时间。
同时他重新塑造了那个或许还有缺陷的少年。有时他不安地感到那一切已经发生……总的说来,他的日子过得很幸福;他一闭上眼睛就想:现在我要和我的儿子在一起了。偶尔也想;我创造的儿子在等我,我如不去,他就活不成。
When he closed his eyes, he thought: Now I will be with my son. Or, more rarely: The son I have engendered is waiting for me and will not exist if I do not go to him.
他使那少年逐渐熟悉现实。有一次,他命令少年把一面旗子插到远处山顶上。第二天,旗于果然在山顶飘扬起来。他做了其他类似的试验,一次比一次更为大胆。他有点伤心地感到,他的儿子快要诞生了——也许等不及了。那晚,他第一次吻了少年,派他穿过荆棘丛生的森林和沼泽到河下游另一座荒废的庙宇去。此前,(为了永远不让他知道他是个幻影,而让他以为自己是同别人一模一样的人),他让少年彻底忘掉这些年的学习。
他的胜利和宁静充满了腻烦。每天晨昏,他跪在那座石像前面,也许在想像中看到他那不现实的儿子,在河下游别的环形废墟里举行同样的仪式;
His victory and peace became blurred with boredom.
夜里他不做梦了,即使做梦,也像普通人那样。他隐约感到宇宙的声息和形状:那个不在眼前的儿子从他逐渐衰退的灵魂汲取营养。他生活的目的已经实现;一直处于某种狂喜之中。
过了一段时期(某些叙说故事的人计算这段时期时以年为单位,另一些人则以五年为单位),两个划船的人半夜里叫醒了他:他看不清他们的脸,
Two oarsmen awoke him at midnight.He could not see their faces,
但听到他们说,北方一个庙宇里有个会魔法的人,
But they spoke to him of a charmed man in a temple of the North.
踩在火上不会被火烧伤。
Capable of walking on fire without burning himself.
魔法师突然想起神祗的话,他想起世上万物唯有火知道他的儿子是个幻影。这件事起初给了他安慰,后来却让他烦恼不已。
He remembered that of all the creatures that people the earth, Fire was the only one who knew his son to be a phantom. This memory, which at first calmed him, ended by tormenting him.
他担心儿子想到那个异乎寻常的特点,发现自己只是一个幻影。不是人,而是另一个人的梦的投影,那该有多么沮丧,多么困惑!
Not to be a man, to be a projection of another man's dreams—what an incomparable humiliation, what madness!
身为人父的人都关心他们在迷惘或者幸福时刻生育的子女;魔法师花了一千零一个秘密的夜晚,零零星星揣摩出来的那个儿子的前途,当然使他牵肠挂肚。
Any father is interested in the sons he has procreated (or permitted) out of the mere confusion of happiness; it was natural that the wizard should fear for the future of that son whom he had thought out entrail by entrail, feature by feature, in a thousand and one secret nights.
他思索的结局来得十分突然,但并不是没有先兆可循。
His misgivings ended abruptly, but not without certain forewarnings.
首先(经过长期干旱之后),一片云彩像鸟一般轻灵地飘到远处小山顶上;接着,南方的天空成了豹子牙床似的粉红色;然后,烟雾在夜间锈蚀了金属;最后,禽兽惊恐地四散奔逃。
几百年前发生过的事情又重演了。火神庙宇的废墟再次遭到火焚。
For what had happened many centuries before was repeating itself. The ruins of the sanctuary of the god of Fire was destroyed by fire.
在一个飞鸟绝迹的黎明,。
In
a dawn without birds, the wizard saw the concentric fire licking the
walls.
刹那间,他想跳进水里躲避,随即又想到死亡是来结束他的晚年,替他解脱辛劳的。他朝火焰走去。
For a moment, he thought of taking refuge in the water, but then he understood that death was coming to crown his old age and absolve him from his labors. He walked toward the sheets of flame.
火焰没有吞噬他的皮肉,而是不烫不灼地抚慰他,淹没了他。
They did not bite his flesh, they caressed him and flooded him without heat or combustion.
他宽慰地、惭愧地、害怕地知道他自己也是一个幻影,另一个人梦中的幻影。
With relief, with humiliation, with terror.He understood that he also was an illusion, that someone else was dreaming him.
中文采用王永年译文
英文采用Anthony Kerrigan译文
The Circular Ruins
选自《小径分岔的花园》,1941
El jardín de senderos que se bifurcan
原标题:Las ruinas circulares
对画家榭寄生与万灵药简单采访:
你几岁:1996年生
《环形废墟》插画的绘画工具:Photoshop CS6 和影拓5
《环形废墟》插画的完成时间:大三上学期
你最喜欢的博尔赫斯的一篇小说是:《永生》
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